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Please Submit Your Feelings, Emotions, Stories, or Questions>
so confused why this would happen to anyone?
Begin The Healing Process
DonnaA
1 post
7-Aug-2008
5:56 AM
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Well this is my first time every write on any message board. my husband and i went for my 3 month check up on tuesday and they could not find any heart beat, so after doing an ultrasound they confirmed that the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks and i had a " missed miscarriage"... i know i have never met this soon to be child, but i loved them so much. i have never felt such pain. this would have been our first child, we had trouble getting pregnant so i was taking clomid. in my head i keep hearing the doctor tell me that over and over again, i wish i could stop hearing that...i go for a D&C tomorrow and that makes it all so real cause then i know this is really over..of course i want to try to have another child, but i don't think i could go through this again. i'm scared that if i get pregnant again all i will think about will be this... is that normal?? i don't even know how i'm suppose to feel i went from being on top of the world to as far down as i can go...reading some of the stories on this page has helped me see that there are some many other women going through the same thing and i'm not alone...no one deserves to feel this pain and my heart goes out to each of you.. i hope that i have the courage as some of you do to try again..you all have touched my heart..thanks for listening to me. Donna
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A&JMommy
12 post s
7-Aug-2008
5:54 PM
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Donna, I'm deeply sorry for your and your husband's loss. I hope that you find peace and a sense of understanding with each passing day. My husband and I have also had miscarriages; our last one was in November 2007. It's been a long and tough road, but the memory of your child never leaves you. If you don't mind me asking, and I know it's still so soon, but have you picked a name for your child? It won't change anything that's happened and the confusion you feel, but perhaps giving your baby a name and something more formal of grieving will help you wrap your feelings around this unfortunate situation. Putting your feelings (no matter how repetitive they may seem to you/others) into words via writing or just talking will also help you. My husband was so supportive (and still is) but I found writing in a diary/journal really helped. Not only could I just vent as much as I needed to but I found I really was able to put my feelings into words (to read myself or for my husband to read) even when I thought I couldn't. It also served as a diary/journal for me and my baby. Most importantly, it became something I could go back and reread and see how progress over time; even though I felt like as soon as I took a step forward I ended up taking two steps backward. Just remember everyday will be a challenge. You'll have good days and you'll have bad days but go into each day open to feel whatever comes. Please don't rob yourself of your true feelings...whatever they may be. You'll always have that fear of another failed pregnancy but upon finding peace with what's happened you'll find you'll be more accepting/respectful of that fear that it won't stop you in trying to get pregnant again. We're all here to help you and each other...just remember that. You're in my thoughts and I hope tomorrow goes...We'll all be with you in spirit. CeeCee
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DonnaA
2 post s
9-Aug-2008
8:05 AM
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CeeCee,
thanks for such great words...i have been writing a lot, every thing i think, everything i feel i write. i did write a letter to my baby and i will hold that forever. no we did not name the baby. my husband is being great and doing everything he can to help me after the D&C, but i know he is hurting to, but he hides it so well, i worry that he is holding it in, but i guess we all have our own way of showing how we feel...today has been 5 days since we found out and i still can't stop crying, staying in bed, not even looking out the window, i just hope that this gets better...thanks for all your help...i thought i could send this directly to you but i don't see a way so i hope you get it and know you really helped me....Thanks
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A&JMommy
15 post s
9-Aug-2008
6:08 PM
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Donna, I did get your response and I'm so glad I could help you even in the smallest way. Like I said before, each day will be a challenge, but just remember to stay open to all feelings. I'd be lying if I said you'd feel horrible for 20 straight days and then you'll start to come around. It all takes time and a new-found patience. If you find that you want to talk, feel free to email me at casualla_long@yahoo.com. Have a good night and may you find it a little easier to breathe with each passing moment. (I hope this for your husband as well.) ~CeeCee
Last Edited on 9-Aug-2008 6:09 PM
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