melina 1 post 20-Jul-2008 10:14 AM	My heart is broken. My husband and I decided to get pregnant with our third child. I had 2 healthy boys and took this pregnancy for granted, I knew I was pregnant right away. At 8 weeks the baby was only 6.5 weeks in size, the sac was enlarged, and I was bleeding on the right side of my uterus. We saw a heartbeat, so I was hopeful it would straighten itself out. Needless to say i went for the sono on Friday and the baby stopped growing at 7 weeks. Ive been walking around thinking Im 10 weeks pregnant, I have had no symptoms of a miscarriage, no cramps, bleeding etc. I have a D&C scheduled for weds. and Im praying I make it until then, Its devastating enough to miscarry, but to walk around with an embryo that is no longer viable, is absolutely torturous. I look at my 2 beautiful boys and gain strength from them. I am truly blessed and thank God for them. God has his plan and knows what hes doing, you need to be spiritual to have the strength, whatever your believes are, believe in a higher power. Be thankful for whatever you have, your kids or husband or family......your pets. Life is beautiful and you cant take it for granted. We will try again. God Bless all of you, you are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Ginger 1 post 25-Jul-2008 1:14 AM	I also still have my fetus inside me. The knowledge that it is dead inside of me is terrible, worse almost than the news that it was no longer viable. I feel so much what you are going through. This is my first child. Right now I dont know if I can recover from this loss. I belive that things happen for a reason and that this too is part of a plan, but Im still overwhelmed with grief. My husband is pretty supportive, but he doesnt understand what Im feeling. He is usually an emotional guy, but this is intense for him and I think that by trying to be strong for me he has actually closed down emotionally. I feel like he is there physically, but not mentally or emotionallly. Our family is great, but everyone lives far away and so he really is my main support. I feel so alone.
melina 4 post s 26-Jul-2008 1:54 PM	The weird thing is, is that I was prepared to miscarry with my first pregnancy. You need to know that it is very common to miscarry with your first. The more people I talk to, the more I realize how many people have miscarriages and still have healthy wonderful pregnancies. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. My Dr. said if you have a few pregnancies you are bound to miscarry. My mom had 5 healthy kids with 3 miscarriages in between. You are blessed to have a wonderful husband, and a supportive family even though they are far. I too have a wonderful husband, but they will never understand what a woman physically and mentally goes through. You will gain strength and you will get pregnant again. How pregnant were you? The one thing I keep in my head is that something was wrong with my baby. my body rejected it because it was not healthy. There are people who have to make a horrible choice later in the pregnancy. My sister works in a hospital, she sees women who have to deliver severely deformed fetuses and they do not make it. I know you probably have been told all these things, but God is good. You will get over this, I promise you. It is difficult, and know you are NOT alone. Continuosly count your blessings, you are allowed to be sad, hurt and pissed off. Time will heal this. You will gain strength and look at life differently, in a beautiful way :) Last Edited on 27-Jul-2008 9:22 PM
Ginger 2 post s 27-Jul-2008 7:15 PM	Thank you Melina. I had the D&C yestersay and now I feel like people expect me to be over everything already. I had a huge fight with my husband this morning because he wanted to leave me to go to the Comic Convention here in San Diego. It has been a terrible day for me. I thought I was 13 weeks, but when I went for a regular check up I found out that our baby had died in week 9. My body had not given it up for 4 weeks already. I waited another week for my body to do what it had to do naturally, but it wasn't and I was at the limit of what I could take emotionally and spiritually. I did the D&C and now I want to get better, but Im not ready to be the happy and outgoing person I was before. I dont think my husband knows what to do with me. I am usually a very easy going happy person, but I have never had any experience with death or other tragedy in my entire life. I feel like I am doing the best that I can and I dont know what else to do, but I dont feel like its enough.
Anonymous Guest 0 post 27-Jul-2008 9:19 PM	Ginger, You cant expect, and noone else should either, to get over it. Just because you had the D&C doesnt me you are mentally done. You have to heal physically, at least for a week or two, you still have alot of chemical things happening too. Your body has been through alot as well as your mental state. You have to get back to doing things that make you feel good. What did you do before for relaxation or fun? Get a pedicure, go to the beach(no swimming for 3 weeks), write in a journal, write to me! It will take some time, nobody is a super hero here. If you are a happy upbeat person then it will be easier for you than most. Remember 1 out of 4 end this way. You can try again in 2 to 3 cycles, also remember you are going to be super fertile after this. As for your hubby, I cant defend him, but he probably just wants his "old" wife back, it is hard for him too. Again everyone deals with it in a different way, some like to just move on. Look at the sky and smile, you have an angel watching over you :) You will feel better with each day that passes.
melina 7 post s 27-Jul-2008 9:21 PM	Ginger, my name didnt come up, that was me who wrote the last message to you:)
mommyof3 4 post s 28-Jul-2008 6:25 PM	melina I want to thank-you for sharing with me it helps to have people who understand. Thank you again Last Edited on 28-Jul-2008 6:25 PM
melina 8 post s 31-Jul-2008 7:28 AM	Its been a week since my D&C. Time has helped mentally and Physically, for some strange reason it feels like a month has passed. The only strange thing I'm feeling is that I have the need to have 2 more kids as opposed to the 1 more I wanted. I think it is obvious my need to "replace" the pregnancy I lost. Does anyone else feel this way? My thoughts are with all of you always :) Mommy of 3, I am so happy I could be a part of your healing.
mommyof3 6 post s 31-Jul-2008 9:44 PM	melina, I understand how you feel I have a strong need for another baby. My husband keeps telling me that it can't replace what we lost but I miss our baby alot and that is probably where the need to want to be pregnant again comes from. Last Edited on 31-Jul-2008 9:44 PM
melina 10 post s 1-Aug-2008 10:20 PM	you never know.........that angel could come back to us. Ive heard weird "coincidences" where people who have miscarried wind up giving birth years later on the same day! keep the faith :) i always will!
paris Guest 0 post 4-Aug-2008 8:30 AM	i'm totally new to all this but i'm no different from all your pain...i have previously miscarry 2x but still have my hopes and keeping the faith in me, even for some reason people would come up to me and say that i won't be able to bare a child anymore as if they are "god" or something...i have undergone through a series of test just to find out that nothing is wrong and my husband and i have been trying for the past 2 years since our last loss...i would say that for us who are in pain, we need to let our selves grieve and accept even if others would say that it's ok. we are more in pain bec for some reason we also went thru post patrum and this makes us even more emotionally unstable. i only found out about all this a year after my first loss, i didn't understand why i get so depressed and easily emotional until i was caught un aware of this fact...bec of letting other people know that i'm ok as they say so i didn't came out to pour my real pain which caused my depression. until then that i decided to face myself and grief, now with this group i am thankful that i may constantly step by step be healed... i know that i am not alone and that that will be blessed in god's time and not our time :)
melina 12 post s 4-Aug-2008 9:18 PM	Paris You are blessed...........just by the way you are thinking , be positive. God works in strange ways, sounds like you have a wonderful husband, that is a tremendous blessing :) No matter what you believe in, be spiritual, God is good and it helps to have a strong faith in that higher power. As far as you having sadness, your body goes through so many chemical changes, ups and downs. As long as you are aware of this it helps. We dont have control over this no matter how "normal" you are. God does not give us strength, he puts us in situations to be strong. He does not give us courage, he puts us in situations to be brave. You sound like a strong, brave woman! Keep the faith and I will pray for you, as I do for every one of us that has to go through this.
paris Guest 0 post 5-Aug-2008 3:39 AM	thanks melina...every words meant so much to me. i will always hold on to my faith for i feel like it's the only thing now that's keeping me strong when i'm at my lowest. having to have blessed with a loving husband and a supportive family all is well despite of everything. God is good...he knows our pain and we will get by. appreciate your prayer as i will do the same for the rest of us :)...this group has given me comfort, each one is an ngel.
Shelly76 1 post 8-Aug-2008 7:05 AM	I just stumbled across this site as i was seeking information on how to cope with miscarriage....i found out on Mon. 8/4 that i had a blighted ovum, had 2 blood tests and a 2nd ultrasound yesterady to confirm and received the same results. It seems the embryo stopped develping at appox. 4 wks....i was going into my12th week. So, I to have been walking arond for the last 2 months, thinking i was carrying a healthy fetus. Needless to say that is the most devstating part and at this point, altough i am nervous about a D & C, i am anxious to get everything out and start to move on and begin the healing process. The hard part right now is that i a started showing at 8 wks (even was in some maternity clothes) and still have a belly, so i am hoping after the D & C it wont be long before my belly starts to decrease in size. Its been a rough week and my 3 yr old daughters b-day is this weekend. So the timing could not be worse, but it was God's will and i have accepted it. My lil one does keep asking me about the baby (she was very excited about being a big sister) and keeps telling everyone she sees that "mommy don't have a baby in her belly anymore" and after i came home from the Dr. the other day she asked me "Mommy, did you go get a new baby?" so this had been very difficult and i am hoping soon she will forget. has anyone else had issues like this with their other children coping?
melina 14 post s 8-Aug-2008 10:06 PM	Shelly 76 Hi, I feel your pain, I was showing early as well and both my boys knew. They are older so maybe it was easier to dissuade them. My older sons bday is this weekend also, the 10th. At least you have your beautiful daughter, let her help you heal. They are a wonderful disstraction, Ive written this b4 , 1 out of 4 pregnancies end this way, At least you know that you will heal and in 3 months should try again. As for your daughter I would quickly change the subject and not make it a big deal for her. Just keep changing the subject, let it be all about her. Good luck and God Bless :)
DonnaA 3 post s 9-Aug-2008 8:14 AM	so sorry for you loss...i just had a missed miscarriage this tuesday and i had my D&C yesterday.. wow! this is the hardest pain i have ever felt in my heart. this was our 1st child and we were so happy, like you said i think it was hard because for 12 weeks i was so happy walking around thinking i was having a baby, we even bought some little stuff, then i went for my 12 week check up and there was not heart beat anymore, the baby had stopped growing around 7 weeks. i thought my heart was going to stop when i heard that, we were trying so hard to have a child i was taking clomid. This was our blessing....it has now been 5 days and to me it has only gotten hard after the D&C cause i know now i'm really not pregnant anymore.... i want you to know your not alone, cause thats how i felt until i found this site... i can't say it will get better because i have not gotten that far yet, but i know your pain and i'm so sorry....
Shelly76 2 post s 9-Aug-2008 2:56 PM	thank you both Melina and Donna...although i have a very strong support system and my family and friends have been wonderful, it is nothing like knowing there are other woman out there who are going through the same thing i am, at the same time and know exactly how i feel. I find great comfort in this. I was waiting to schedule my D & C with my Dr. and I have seemed to start miscarrying on my own, i feel some relief but also great sadness. I had a rough night last night and as strange as it sounds, i miss my baby so much. It is true, I am finding great strength in my daughter already and it has made me appreciate her even more, her b-day party is tomorrow, so i am trying to focus on that. Donna i pray that you continue to have hope that you one day will be a mom and may God Bless you and give you strength to try again some day when you are ready. I believe the time was not right for us, but one day it will be. Keep your faith and hold on to hope.... thanks for all your words--God Bless both of you!
Kassey08 1 post 23-Aug-2008 10:31 AM	I WENT FOR MY 12TH WEEK CHECK UP ON THURSDAY AUGUST 21ST. I WAS SO EXCITED THINKING I WAS GOING TO HEAR THE HEART BEAT FOR THE FIRST TIME. THE NURSE LOOKED AND LOOKED. THERE WAS NOTHING . THE DOCTOR SENT ME FOR AN ULTRASOUND. AN HOUR LATER I RECEIVED THE DEVASTATING NEWS THAT MY LITTLE BABY STOPPED GROWING AT 7 WEEKS AND 5 DAYS. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO OR WHERE TO GO. I NOW FEEL SO ALONE LIKE NO ONE AROUND ME UNDERSTANDS. EVERYONE AROUND ME IS IGNORING THE FACT THAT MY BABY NO LONGER HAS A HEART BEAT YET REMAINS INSIDE ME. I AM SCHEDULED FOR A D&C ON MONDAY. MY HUSBAND ACTUALLY TOLD ME I WAS NO LONGER PREGNANT. THAT HURTS ME BECAUSE I HAVEN'T LOST THE BABY YET. I STILL HAVE ALL MY PREGNANCY SYMPTOMS. I KNOW IT IS HARD FOR HIM TO WATCH ME HURT. I ALSO KNOW THAT HE IS HURTING YET IS TRYING SO HARD TO HIDE IT. HE ALREADY WANTS TO GET PREGNANT RIGHT AWAY. WHICH SCARES ME. I FEEL FOR EVERY ONE OF YOU GOING THROUGH THIS. I AM HAVING A HARD TIME KNOWING THEY WILL BE TAKING MY BABY FROM ME ON MONDAY.YET I CAN'T SIT AND WAIT FOR IT TO HAPPEN. I CAN'T STAND THE FACT THAT THERE WILL BE NO EVIDENCE THAT MY BABY EVEN EXISTED EXCEPT TO ME AND MY HUSBAND.
Kassey08 2 post s 23-Aug-2008 10:40 AM	HOW LONG DO YOU ALL FEEL YOU WILL WAIT TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN? DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WANT TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN AS SOON AS POSSIBLE OR WANT TO WAIT. I AM SCARED YET CAN'T IMAGINE NOT GETTING PREGNANT. I DONT WANT TO REPLACE THIS PREGNANCY NOR WOULD IT EVER BUT I CAN'T IMAGINE NOT HAVING ANOTHER BABY. I AM BLESSED TO HAVE TWO BEAUTIFUL GIRLS. I KNOW I WANT TO HAVE A THIRD. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHEN TO START. THE DOCTOR SAYS TO WAIT THREE MONTHS. WHAT DO YOU THINK.
Kassey08 3 post s 23-Aug-2008 11:00 AM	Shelly, your story sounds so much like mine. i too started showing at 8wks and still have a belly. i have a two and five year old daughter. my youngest asked if i still had a baby because she was with us at the doctor when it happened. i told her no and she said "It's not fair mommy" and started crying. My oldest tells people that her mommy is very sad because her baby died. my mother in law hushed her right away and said let's not talk about it. As if i had just forgotten what had happened. i used to be one of those people that didn't know what to say. i am now realizing that no matter if someone says something or not you never forget. i just want people to say i am sorry and i know you must be hurting instead of pretending it didn't happen. i feel guilty sometimes fro my feeling or regret telling my girls so soon but i had to healthy pregnancies and really never thought this would happen. shelly, i hope this has helped you. i am so sorry for your loss. i know how hard it is to think you are growing a healthy baby just to find out that the last two months weren't anything like you had imagined. i wish i could take all of our pain away but i can't. i am lucky to have had a very close friend who went through a miscarriage so she has helped me. just don't lock yourself away like i know you want to. i hope this helps you. i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!
kayleigh Guest 0 post 26-Aug-2008 7:10 AM	hi i have a son of 3 and found out that im pregnant.i had a tiny amount of blood so i had to go to the hospital for an emergency scan he told me i was 7 weeks and i was to early to tell if there was a heartbeat i waited 10 days and had another scan and they told me the baby had died i dont understand because if it was to early to tell ten days before then i cant see its deffinant that my baby has died ive had no bleeding or cramps and im really confused what to do.
land36 1 post 26-Aug-2008 10:25 AM	my husband and I went for our first scan at 13weeks last monday. This would have been my fourth baby and even so I was over the moon when we found out I was pregnant again so when they told us at the scan that they could not find a heartbeat and that our baby would have died at about 8 weeks I was completely and utterly devastated. I had a d&c the next day and today a week later I feel lost, sad and angry all in one. I cant talk to my husband and feel like I am shutting out everyone, my elder children keep asking whether I am okay and my response is always, of course I am! This is the most awful thing that anyone can go through and I have also considered myself extremely lucky to have had three straight forward pregnancies and three lovely children. I often think that I must have been extremely thick or not with it to not have realised that something was wrong, I had absolutely no indication and stll find it hard to believe.
KASSEY08 Guest 0 post 29-Aug-2008 11:14 AM	LAND36- I AM SO SORRY FOR EVERYTHING YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. I TOO AM WHERE YOU. HOWEVER THIS WAS MY THIRD BABY. I HAD MY D&C ON MONDAY AND HAVE HAD A HORRIBLE TIME SINCE. I SEE MYSELF SHUTTING PEOPLE OUT TOO. I ALSO TELL MY KIDS AND EVERYONE ELSE I AM O.K. WHEN I AM NOT. I AM SO ANGRY AT THE WORLD AND FEEL AS THOUGH I AM PUTTING MY HUSBAND THROUGH HELL. HOWEVER I FELL NO ONE UNDERSTANDS NOT EVEN MY HUSBAND. I DID START A JOURNAL TO MY BABY ANGEL AND IT SEEMS TO HELP SOME. I AM AFRAID SOMETIMES THAT IF I GET FEELING BETTER THEN THAT MEANS FORGETTING. I HOPE YOU FIND COMFORT AND TRY HARD NOT TO SHUT PEOPLE OUT. I KNOW WE SHOULD BE THANKFUL FOR THE CHILDREN WE HAVE BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO MISS THE ONE YOU LOST ANY LESS. THAT IS STILL YOUR BABY. AGAIN I AM SOOO VERY SORRY! I HOPE TO SEE YOU ON HERE AGAIN SOMETIME.
TooManyTears Guest 0 post 30-Aug-2008 5:41 PM	I just found out on Wednesday that I am having my 4th miscarriage in a row. Like all of the previous ones, I have had no bleeding or cramping, and the missed miscarriage was discovered at my first ultrasound. This one did not have a heartbeat, but the miscarriage directly preceding this one had a healthy heartbeat at 7 weeks, only to find that it was gone at 11 weeks. I have had the past two fetuses tested, and both came back as random chromosomal abnormalities. I will have this one tested too (they didn't test the first one). All of these miscarriages have come after a very healthy and noneventful first pregnancy with my son (my one and only pregnancy that ended in a live birth). I don't understand how since him, I have had 4 miscarriages in a row when I experienced absolutely no problems with him whatsoever. He's only 2 years old, so it's not like I'm extraordinarily older than I was when he was conceived and born. And I do struggle with the notion that all of these m/c were "random" chromosomal abnormalities. I thought random meant that it wouldn't be me 4 times in a row. Also, I have never once bled or cramped in a pregnancy, so it's the ultimate insult when you think you're moving along (symptoms and all) and find out once again that your fetus is no longer alive. I want answers, and there are none available. We have decided that we will no longer try for a sibling for my son, as this has become too taxing for my body (going in for my 4th D & C on Tuesday), and on my spirit. I used to believe that God is good, always. Now I'm beginning to think that God's definition of good and mine are very, very different....
melina 15 post s 2-Sep-2008 5:05 PM	Too many tears, Do you realize how lucky you are to have 1 healthy child. You should thank GOD every day for that! Maybe you need genetic counseling? Id look into a Fertility dr or better yet a high risk dr, maybe they'll have a simple solution. I understand the anger, I started this post. Its been almost 6 weeks since my d and c. This was my 3rd after 2 healthy boys, I cant Thank GOD enough, without them Id be lost. We all go through major hormonal changes, even though its only a 7-10 week pregnancy, our mental state is so fragile. It takes a while to recover menetally and physically. I think you should take a "break" and enjoy your son and hubby :) D&C 's arent the best thing for future pregnancies either, you say youve had several, maybe this is causing some problem? Good luck to you :) Melina
marie Guest 0 post 4-Sep-2008 1:06 AM	Just found out about my second missed miscarriage, had 2 early scans 1 at 8 weeks and another at 9 as i had some light bleeding but the baby was fine, they put it down to my hormones. So i started to chill out and stop stressing... Big mistake. Went on Monday for 12 week scan to find out there was not heart beat it had died at 10 weeks. Boy i was not prepared for that!! I'm back up the hospital today and hoping they will get rid of it asap as it is torture knowing its still there and not even started to come away yet.. D & c will be my option once again as i feel this is kinder to me! The sooner it's done the better the the healing can start.. I dread the next pregnancy and i will not allow myself to be fooled by early scans... Sorry for the negative out look, but thats they way i feel. I don't ask for much just 1 kid will do before i get to old..
DonnaA 12 post s 4-Sep-2008 3:09 PM	Marie, I feel your pain as I'm sure many other women do on here. I also believe the D&C is much easier to deal with then a natural miscarriage. I had waited about a week after I found out about my missed miscarriage to have my D&C and I know that you cannot start to heal or move on until you know its over. Well, thats how is was for me. Please don't lose hope, I wish nothing but the best for you. i have had only one miscarriage and I'm so scared to get pregnant again, so you have a lot of courage and i hope when my time comes to try again i can have some of that strength
marie Guest 0 post 6-Sep-2008 7:40 PM	Thank you donnaA you helped by understanding from what you went through... I have my second d & c on monday, which cant come sooner..I have a great husband that understands me and is sending me on holiday to recover with my mum to chill out, i know i will get stronger as i all ready have the t-shirt!! We will try one more time that is our personal limit, as it kills part of me each time it goes wrong... I cant believe they don't start testing you until 3-4 miscarriages of any sort?.... as 2 is too many in the real world.. x
DonnaA 13 post s 7-Sep-2008 4:30 PM	Your welcome Marie, i hope all goes well for you on Monday you will be in my thoughts, also i hope you have a good vacation...it was so nice of your husband to do that for you. i know what you mean about not being tested until after 3. i asked my doctor the same thing i said " once i get pregnant again will anything be different? will i get ultrasound more often or anything?" and she said " no, it is consider NORMAL until after 3" i could not believe it, she said women always have about a 20% chance of a miscarriage...right now i'm not sure when we will try again, but when the time is right i guess i will know.. if you ever want to talk you can e-mail me at daldana1@satx.rr.com best wishes to you and your family
Anonymous Guest 0 post 9-Sep-2008 7:18 PM	Melina-- I'm going to assume for a minute that you meant well in your post. Just a couple things: Of course I realize how blessed I am to have my son. Why is it hard to understand that I can be both blessed and profoundly sad about my losses at the same time? My emotions run the whole spectrum, and that is only too human. We already work with an RE. No need to offer up advice on that. We have a full complement of doctors involved in this. The D & Cs have nothing to do with it. My uterus has shown to be just fine in many tests. Please don't tell me how I should feel. This is my experience, and I will work through my grief in my own way. It doesn't diminish the love that I have for my son in any way.
TooManyTears Guest 0 post 9-Sep-2008 7:20 PM	Melina-- I'm going to assume for a minute that you meant well in your post. Just a couple things: Of course I realize how blessed I am to have my son. Why is it hard to understand that I can be both blessed and profoundly sad about my losses at the same time? My emotions run the whole spectrum, and that is only too human. We already work with an RE. No need to offer up advice on that. We have a full complement of doctors involved in this. The D & Cs have nothing to do with it. My uterus has shown to be just fine in many tests. Please don't tell me how I should feel. This is my experience, and I will work through my grief in my own way. It doesn't diminish the love that I have for my son in any way.
Steph84 4 post s 9-Sep-2008 8:51 PM	Thank you everyone for your messages. It helps a great deal, but also brings up a lot of tears hearing your stories. I had a "missed abortion" in May (D&C at 9 wks) and have a positive pregnancy test. (Only 5 weeks now) I can't even say that "I'm pregnant" because I am so afraid to be happy. Seems ridiculous, doesn't it?
kassey08 Guest 0 post 10-Sep-2008 12:28 PM	thank you anonymous for saying how you felt. i too have felt exstremely sad and angry. never let anyone tell you how you should feel. i have two beautiful girls and thank God for them every night. however i am so angry about loosing my third baby. it doesn't make the pain go away. melina offended me by her post too. SORRY MELINA BUT THAT WAS WRONG. i know there are women who do not have other children but does that mean we who do don't have the right to be angry about loosing our second or third ect.? this is suppose to be about support so let's not make others feel guilty for how they feel!!!!
kassey08 Guest 0 post 10-Sep-2008 12:34 PM	steph- your felling are not rediculous. i have to wait three months to get pregnant but i can imagine how hard it is going to be to tell people even when i feel it is safe too. it is normal to be scared. i hope you can find comfort and try to enjoy your new bundle of joy. i pray all goes well for you. you will be in my thoughts and prayers!
momof3 1 post 10-Sep-2008 2:43 PM	Your story sounds somewhat like mine. I have 2 healthy children, 6 and 4, and I got pregnant with my third. It was easy to assume that everything would go as easily as my first 2. Then, on August 13th, I miscarried. I am still devastated. It seems every time I turn around, I see another woman who is expecting. The only difference was I naturally miscarried, and I knew when it happened. Of course, they want you to save anything you pass, so I did. I was able to take my little one, and bury it at our home, and plant a special flower. Strange as that may sound, it made it easier on me. I feel I am starting to get over it, but there are days when I still cry over everything.
Steph84 5 post s 21-Sep-2008 1:55 PM	Thank you kassey and "Momof3". You are an incredibly strong mother. I unfortunately had an ultrasound that showed a slow fetal heart rate of 104.(6 wks) Since than, for the last 3 days I haven't felt pregnant anymore, know that sounds strange. This appears to be the same thing that happened with my last misscarriage. (No fetal heart beat on the subsequent ultrasound) Will let my OB know on Monday. Am starting to cry a lot, fearing the worst. Trying to have faith that sometimes we don't know why God might have another plan.
melina 16 post s 21-Sep-2008 3:19 PM	Too Many Tears I understand that you are very emotional and fragile, I in no way meant to come across as judgemental or "tell you how you should feel".I never told you that you shouldnt be angry or sad, I was trying to give you some advice since this is an open forum and you are telling your story, I know that for me personally that if I went through 4-5 pregnancies and 4 d&c 's all within the last 2 years, I would be a mess.I cant imagine what that can do to your mental and physical state. I know alot of women who have worked with "specialists", it doesnt mean that these drs know everything. I was just suggesting a different approach. Im sorry I made you feel angry, it WAS NOT my intention. Melina Last Edited on 21-Sep-2008 3:31 PM
kassey08 Guest 0 post 23-Sep-2008 2:07 PM	Steph i am so very sorry. i am hurting with you. I hope everything turns out o.k. i hope you will keep me posted. it has been one month now since my d&c. I wish i could say i was doing better but the truth is i am not. we went on a vacation to try to get our minds off things but needless to say it didn't work. Everything reminded me that i should be pregnant. i did buy a baby ornanment of a baby carriage. It seemed to help. i cherish it because that is all i have to remember my baby by. I am praying you don't have another miscarriage. if you need to talk I am here!
Anonymous Guest 0 post 6-Oct-2008 2:48 PM	I had a miscarriage on Thursday and a D & C Friday. this was my first pregnancy. I thought I was 11 weeks, but was told the baby died at 8 1/2 weeks. We had a doctor appointment at 8 1/2 weeks, saw/heard the heartbeat and everything looked great. I was anxious until that first appointment, but felt a new sense of confidence afterwards. We found out I was pregnant at the same time as my sister-in-law (her first also). After our doctor appointments we found out that our due dates were one day apart. Since then the excitement of being pregnant has been shared with her (as well as our hopes at holidays and their relationship growing up). I am having an extremely difficult time dealing not only with the m/c, but knowing that I am going to have a very painful road ahead of me with constant reminders of what could have been. I know I should be happy and I am happy for her, but I feel so sad.
Helen39 1 post 9-Oct-2008 5:16 AM	I suffered a 'missed' misscarriage on August 6th and two months on im still struggling to come to terms with whats happened. I thought everything was ok as it was at my 12 week scan that I discovered that there was no heartbeat - went into hospital following day to have it removed - sent home - no offer of counselling just left to get on with it. Im finding this hard as a friend of mine had her scan the same day as me and she is fine - I cant bear to see her as we were due within days of eachother. I know this sounds awful but it's the frame of mind that im in at the moment. Im 39 and have been trying since last year with my husband for a baby (have a son from a previous relationship) so I know time is running out - whether I can go through another pregnancy again im not sure but my husband wants a child. This is so hard for me because im scared it will happen again. I need help.
Hubby Guest 0 post 9-Oct-2008 8:16 AM	I and my wife went to ultrasound the fetus inside her and the doctor said seem no heart beat. We went to the specialist and confirmed the fetus died. The size as 13 weeks compared to 16-17 weeks of my wife pregnency. probably fetus already died 3 weeks ago. My wife so emotional and I wisely calm and motivated her. luckily we already had 4 kids. My worry is whether or not the miscarriage happen smoothly. I will update once miscarriage over. I am praying for my wife. Honey, I am understand you and your sacrify.
selah5k Guest 0 post 10-Oct-2008 8:59 PM	I found out about my miscarriage on tuesday of this week. I was having such terrible pain that I had the D&C the next day. First, I want to say that I am so grateful to have found this site. I was just sitting here feeling sorry for myself because I felt so alone. ;) It seems like most people don't want to talk about it, or want to sweep it under the rug rather than just get it out in the open. Speaking face to face, I get nervous that I'll have a thought that makes me cry, and break down infront of the person. I see kids on tv, adds for diapers, find pregnancy magazines in the house, and even though I have unsubscribed five times I am still receiving daily e-mail updates from some silly parenting site. This sucks because I use a blackberry and well-lets just say its in my face. I wait for the boyfriend to leave before I break into rivers of tears. I have frieghtening and heart renching dreams that I'm holding my baby in my arms and it gets taken away from me. I drank a coke today and that made me feel a bit better- caffiene my old friend. Then I had the thought that comes whenever I partake in "guilty" pleasures now, "I would give up ten million of these, for my baby back." My pregancy was not planned. But it was wanted. I'm scarred that I'll be unable to get back to work and normal life. But I think that being scarred about that will keep me vigilant enough to not allow it. My heart is broken, in a very different way from any of the other times it broke. My boyfriend seems over it already, like he was sad an now hes moved on. I have fits sometimes, I throw things. That makes me sound kinda crazy, but trust me, I'm not. I just get so frustrated it seems the right thing to do. I just wish I could figure out how this is supposed to make me stronger? How does this fit into my divine destiny? I read a few of these, and some of the ladies sounded angry, some wrote about saddness, some sounded hopeful. If anything, I want the person who reads this to take a moment to reflect on all the things your pregnancy has brought to light in your life. Maybe you realized that you couldn't stand the taste of mayo,or found out how much you loved somebody, or how much you could love somebody. Nonetheless, Thats what I'm gonna try and remember, I know that this brought a ton of things in my life into perspective, and without it, I would be lost right now. Caught in limbo somewhere between, "I think I want to do this, but that looks good too." My baby caused me to go back to school, and gave me more confidence at work, and made me finally connect with my boyfriend again. The baby gave me a more loving and open relationship with my mother and father. The baby made me realize how terrible I used to eat, and why I should have appreciated my pre-pregnacy body a lot more than I did. Of all the anger and sadness I feel now, I know that the good is what I will remember ten years from now. Who knows? Maybe then I'll have nine kids..... Many hugs and much love to all.
dc Guest 0 post 11-Oct-2008 8:20 PM	it's ok to cry.....just release the sadness will help you recover....me and my wife both cried this morning....it does help to release the sadness inside.... good luck and be strong
Anonymous Guest 0 post 13-Oct-2008 10:57 AM	I should be 9 weeks, but Friday was told that they couldn't find a heart beat. the MD sucked...I don't think she gave me the attention she should have...the ultrasound tech said "I'm having trouble finding a heartbeat" to which the MD responded, "there is no heartbeat" as the ultrasound was being performed...I was given three options, D&C, medication or wait...I've decided to wait, although I understand this process could take a few weeks...man this sucks...has anyone else waited it out...what should I expect? thanks.
help!! Guest 0 post 23-Oct-2008 7:36 PM	It's be nearly two months since i lost my second pregnancy/baby both to missed miscarriage,first at 8weeks2 days, second 10weeks 2days.. I got my doctor to do lots of blood tests but they all came back normal, so what next i need a reason!!I have hit a wall?? So life goes on BUT there is no day that goes by when i don't think about what if!!You never forget that connection that you had with the little life that started to grow inside you!! No one but a woman can understand that, don't get me wrong, my husband is great but it was not his body and he has heal quicker, I see it in his eyes on the odd time when i am sad that he does not understand why i feel like i do!! So i am in a difficult place as i am bottling things and i will explode soon!!At the same time i am so cross with myself for not being able to deal with it better, only last week i had to much to drink and took to self harming, which shocked me as i thought i was dealing with it OK... Lucky for me it was only cuts and bruises on my leg, so no one apart from me and who ever reads this will ever know about it!! i guess i am proud and a silly woman that shut off from people, i let them hear what they want "yes I am fine" Yes next time will be ok" These things happen for a reason" " time is on my side". If only they truly understood the pain within.... But i will as always paint the happy face on the outside, while inside i am dying... sorry but this is the only place that understands!! HELP
broken Guest 0 post 25-Oct-2008 7:46 AM	I too suffered a miscarriage at 7 weeks 5 days. I always knew something was wrong and just thought I was being cautious becasue it took 3 years and 3 months for it to happen again. I am lucky I have a healthy 5 year old son that I had with no complications. My sister in law and I were five days apart and its killing me inside. I'm happy for her as its her first, but don't know how I will be once the baby is born. I keep telling myself I must get pregnant again before she delivers so that it doesn't hurt as bad. With this pregancy I never had any symptoms except sore breasts and kept thinking this isn't okay. At 6 weeks 6 days I started to bleed. Had an ultrasound saw a heartbeat and was told its okay. I never felt okay and never stopped bleeding. The bleeding picked up at 7 weeks 5 days and I went to the bathroom and knew it was over. I went to the doctor and my fears were confirmed. I want to try again in 3 months, but will never feel kay about being pregnant again and will always have fear. I was the first in all of my family to suffer a miscarriage. Like it wasn't punishment enough to wait over 3 years to get pregnant and to have it turn out like this.
Amy Guest 0 post 3-Nov-2008 1:54 PM	My husband and I went to the doctor today, so excited to experience our first ultrasound - we were devasted to learn that just within the last few days, our fetus had lost its heartbeat. The weird thing is that this weekend, I was drawn to the "miscarriage and pregnancy loss" section of my pregnancy book and I didn't sleep well last night. I guess mother's intuition is there this early! I had never heard of a missed miscarriage before today and my heart goes out to those who have posted about thinking they were pregnant only to learn that weeks before, their fetus had lost its heartbeat, also. We both have cried a lot today and I have a D&C scheduled for Wednesday - the thought of me letting nature take its course was too emotional - I believe we will both be able to grieve and recover sooner knowing that it has left my body. It has been very helpful to read everyone's experiences, both with missed miscarriages and D&C's - thank you for sharing.
rockinmmofthree Guest 0 post 5-Nov-2008 8:52 AM	WOW! The last post says it all for me. I have 3 children: 7, 5 and 3 yrs. Two girls and 1 boy.. We planned to get pregnant in Sept and after having 3, you know what to do and when, so it worked. With the 3 kids, I was deathly sick and nauseas all the time. It was more mild with each, thank goodness. I knew we were pregnant with number 4 and had weird cravings: bread and butter pickles and chocolate milk, slight queasiness, boobs that got huge quick and hurt pretty bad. On Oct 30, I cam home from Lowes and gushed a bit of blood. I panicked as I had NEVER had this with the others and knew it was not a good thing. Headed to the Dr and had an u/s. I was 9 weeks and 2 days, but the baby was only measuring 6 weeks 4 days and no heartbeat. I was scheduled for a d&c on Mon-11-3, but I had 5 hrs of contractions on Sat night and the urge to "push" and the whole 9 yds. I ended up in the er Sun am as I was very dizzy and the u/s showed the uterus was clear. No d&c was needed. This is very much a mental thing to handle. The idea that 3 weeks went by and I had a flu shot and was afraid that the baby was being affected, that I watched what I ate, etc.. It is almost like someone played a sick joke on me. I am incredibly sad and my husband is so very angry. He does not want to talk to anyone. We simply cannot believe this. After losing my dad in 1995, I have learned not to question "why" and have not even thought to with all that is going on. We had to explain to the 7 and 5 yr old what happened. It was awful. The 7 yr old followed the week by week prego books with me and wanted to be in the delivery room. I have read how so many other people have suffered or are suffering through this same thing. As hard as it is now, I know deep down, that we would not have wanted to go thru 9 mos of pregnancy and then delivery to have a child that was not perfect. It is not easy to say or think, especially while cramping and bleeding and crying, but I know it would have been worse if it went all the way. I pray for each of you and your families that God will heal you physically, emotionally, and grant your wishes in the very near future.
rockinmmofthree Guest 0 post 5-Nov-2008 8:53 AM	WOW! The last post says it all for me. I have 3 children: 7, 5 and 3 yrs. Two girls and 1 boy.. We planned to get pregnant in Sept and after having 3, you know what to do and when, so it worked. With the 3 kids, I was deathly sick and nauseas all the time. It was more mild with each, thank goodness. I knew we were pregnant with number 4 and had weird cravings: bread and butter pickles and chocolate milk, slight queasiness, boobs that got huge quick and hurt pretty bad. On Oct 30, I cam home from Lowes and gushed a bit of blood. I panicked as I had NEVER had this with the others and knew it was not a good thing. Headed to the Dr and had an u/s. I was 9 weeks and 2 days, but the baby was only measuring 6 weeks 4 days and no heartbeat. I was scheduled for a d&c on Mon-11-3, but I had 5 hrs of contractions on Sat night and the urge to "push" and the whole 9 yds. I ended up in the er Sun am as I was very dizzy and the u/s showed the uterus was clear. No d&c was needed. This is very much a mental thing to handle. The idea that 3 weeks went by and I had a flu shot and was afraid that the baby was being affected, that I watched what I ate, etc.. It is almost like someone played a sick joke on me. I am incredibly sad and my husband is so very angry. He does not want to talk to anyone. We simply cannot believe this. After losing my dad in 1995, I have learned not to question "why" and have not even thought to with all that is going on. We had to explain to the 7 and 5 yr old what happened. It was awful. The 7 yr old followed the week by week prego books with me and wanted to be in the delivery room. I have read how so many other people have suffered or are suffering through this same thing. As hard as it is now, I know deep down, that we would not have wanted to go thru 9 mos of pregnancy and then delivery to have a child that was not perfect. It is not easy to say or think, especially while cramping and bleeding and crying, but I know it would have been worse if it went all the way. I pray for each of you and your families that God will heal you physically, emotionally, and grant your wishes in the very near future.
rockinmomofthree 2 post s 5-Nov-2008 8:59 AM	WOW! The last post says it all for me. I have 3 children: 7, 5 and 3 yrs. Two girls and 1 boy.. We planned to get pregnant in Sept and after having 3, you know what to do and when, so it worked. With the 3 kids, I was deathly sick and nauseas all the time. It was more mild with each, thank goodness. I knew we were pregnant with number 4 and had weird cravings: bread and butter pickles and chocolate milk, slight queasiness, boobs that got huge quick and hurt pretty bad. On Oct 30, I cam home from Lowes and gushed a bit of blood. I panicked as I had NEVER had this with the others and knew it was not a good thing. Headed to the Dr and had an u/s. I was 9 weeks and 2 days, but the baby was only measuring 6 weeks 4 days and no heartbeat. I was scheduled for a d&c on Mon-11-3, but I had 5 hrs of contractions on Sat night and the urge to "push" and the whole 9 yds. I ended up in the er Sun am as I was very dizzy and the u/s showed the uterus was clear. No d&c was needed. This is very much a mental thing to handle. The idea that 3 weeks went by and I had a flu shot and was afraid that the baby was being affected, that I watched what I ate, etc.. It is almost like someone played a sick joke on me. I am incredibly sad and my husband is so very angry. He does not want to talk to anyone. We simply cannot believe this. After losing my dad in 1995, I have learned not to question "why" and have not even thought to with all that is going on. We had to explain to the 7 and 5 yr old what happened. It was awful. The 7 yr old followed the week by week prego books with me and wanted to be in the delivery room. I have read how so many other people have suffered or are suffering through this same thing. As hard as it is now, I know deep down, that we would not have wanted to go thru 9 mos of pregnancy and then delivery to have a child that was not perfect. It is not easy to say or think, especially while cramping and bleeding and crying, but I know it would have been worse if it went all the way. I pray for each of you and your families that God will heal you physically, emotionally, and grant your wishes in the very near future.